"Quanta...like spit in the dust of a baseball field" - Cody

April 13, 2005

Stop the fog, it's killing us.

Today, the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, led by Supervisors Ammiano and Daly, outlawed fog within the city's borders, calling it a "nuisance" and "a pox on all good [poor] people."

The debate about foggy San Francisco and its notoriously cold summers has been raging for decades, but today's decision adds a lot of hot air to the chilling subject.

The legislation's proponents say that cold summers make it harder for people to get their shit together and get a job. If the weather problem is dealt with, they say, San Francisco will finally solve it's homeless problem.

The Mayor's Office has denounced the new legislation. "It's an attack on reality," said mayoral spokesman #2. "People know when they come here that it's not like the rest of America. We have have warm winters and we have cold summers. We just have to deal with it and move on."

But some say moving on is letting Mother Nature have too much influence over the weather. "If it were up to me, I'd erect giant space heaters on every major street to burn off the fog," said the president of Hotter is Better, Les Fogbottom. "There's no excuse for standing by and letting the fog push it's way through the city."

Supervisor Daly also criticized the fog in a blustery speech today at City Hall. "I don't understand why we're arguing about this [problem with the fog]. I solved this problem in my head three days ago. Where were the rest of you when I saved the world by myself? Probably out enjoying the fog like wealthy people who can afford fur coats and beanies." No one asked him what he meant, because they were glad that stopped whining, but Supervisor Alioto-Pier remarked that she had seen Supervisor Daly's beanie, and that it appeared to be made with sweatshop labor.

After the vote, Supervisor Ammiano proved that stereotypes of gay men were not nearly queeny enough when he spoke to the press.

And for regular San Franciscans locked out of the power struggles burning in City Hall, it remains to be seen whether wearing layers in June will be necessary. Not if some Supervisors have their way with the weather.

Posted by cbsisco at April 13, 2005 09:14 PM

I love fog in the summer. Nothing's better than seeing tourists walking around in shorts, sandals and Hawaiian shirts when it's 65 degrees with 12mph winds in June. Don't you people own jackets? Yeah, I'm wearing gloves and a scarf in July because I live here and I know better. "Sunny California," my ass.

Posted by: Kristina at April 13, 2005 10:49 PM

am i on crack or is this for real?
Ok, ive finally lost it. IM listening to Prince speak backwards nonsense and its been turned into a house track, and my mom is dancing..
Whoa... Dont take the brown acid!

Posted by: Ob at April 15, 2005 05:34 PM